Movie titles suck these days.

What is this garbage?!

There are plenty of despicable trends sneaking their way into movie theaters these days. Like 3D, endless remakes, sequels, and reboots, and Channing Tatum. I can stomach those. But there is one trend I simply cannot stand.

Terrible titles.

Royally entertaining weddings.

In honor of some wedding that apparently happened today, here’s a few excellent weddings from a few excellent films. Enjoy, and bask in the sweet sun rays of matrimony:

I don’t want my marriage to be Everybody Loves Raymond.

I’m terrified of living a sitcom marriage.

I was watching a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond on TBS, and was saddened by how the show depicted marriage. Shouldn’t it be more fun than that? Is that what happens a few years after the wedding – life solidifies into a routine and you only have sex on Tuesday and Thursday?

My proposal: the cliche-free slasher film.

This would be scarier if we hadn't seen it a billion times.

Imagine you’re standing in the center of a messy bedroom. I mean, trashed. Hurricane Katrina just tore through here, and it’s up to you to clean it up. It doesn’t have to be spotless by the time you’re done, just better than how you found it.

You start by making the bed. You pick up the clothes and shoes and candy wrappers off the floor. Maybe you push the cabinet neatly back against the wall. “So much better!” you say, and it’s the truth. Exhilarating, isn’t it? Making such drastic improvements with just a few well-informed actions?

The slasher genre is the most clichéd of all film genres. More than the romantic-comedy, more than the come-from-behind sports film. The messiest bedroom of them all. We’ve seen it a billion ways, all using the same mechanics that don’t work – and haven’t worked since John Carpenter invented the genre with 1970’s Halloween. Now, here’s what I think: it could work, if somebody just knew what the hell they were doing.

Talking ’bout my wimpy generation.

The internet has created an army of Michael Cera types. How can we use pop culture to understand where our masculinity went?

Kids these days are wimps. We stay inside all day, pecking at our keyboards, updating our statuses, and living a virtual life. We all suffer from Vitamin D deficiency. We look like the vampires the girls in our generation swoon for.

I’ve been watching Parks and Recreation on NBC. Ron Swanson, an emerging cult icon from the show, is unlike our generation. He is a real man. Not only does he perform manly acts like drinking five glasses of whiskey while carving a harp out of mahogany, but he conducts himself like a man should. He’s upfront and courageous in everyday conflicts when most guys I know would do their damnedest to avoid them. Swanson’s not afraid to be rude, or disliked. In this world of poking and “liking”, we’ve become so obsessed with friending we’ve forgotten the importance of enemies. An enemy means you’ve stood up for something once in your life, right?